tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24011233838015172502024-03-05T03:54:18.935-08:00Tales from the Morning AfterConfessions of a socially inept 20 something LondonerBetty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-18200192186487148212012-08-01T07:23:00.001-07:002012-08-01T07:23:45.314-07:00Better to be safe than sorry?<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In recent days i had been feeling a little blue, it happens to us all, start thinking about career, love life, generally moving forward and realising it isn’t really happening. This along with the horrific English weather is what prompted me to make the <b>decision to re-enter the world of online dating</b>. (yes yes I know I have sworn off it several times, but I was suffering from a bad case of SAD). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I turned again to mysinglefriend, mainly because I thought my friend bigged me up on my profile much better than what I could muster and I was also under the impression it was one of the more classy sites, rather than being famous for being a free way of finding easy sex.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I had been chatting to a few select people that had ok pictures and had similar interests to me, mainly going to festivals and enjoying the life <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London</place></city> brings with it. All seemed fairly standard and although I wasn’t really too inspired to meet up with these people I thought I should give it a go now I had braved it this far. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I <b>arranged to go on a date with a smiley looking giant (6’’4) <place w:st="on">South London</place> based northerner mid week</b>. This week ended up turning into a bit of a crazy one at work with many a free drink occasion presenting itself so I ended up cancelling twice (I think at this point I should have realised it wasn’t floating my boat and left it at that- ahh hindsight). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Friday came round which was the <strong>biggest event to end my crazy week, my summer party.</strong> This consisted of fancy dress, karaoke and free booze from 3pm, a bit of a dream for a party fan like myself. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The theme for the day was The Olympics (naturally) and we were given a country to dress up as. I was a creative genius/verging on racist <strong>dressing up as Jedwood</strong> for Ireland complete with a creepy face mask and accessorised with a full range of handmade potato jewellery. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">After <strong>over 7 hours of supping free booze</strong> I received a text message from the giant that I had completely forgotten about, wishing me a good night and letting me know he was at home bored. Drunken inspiration hit me, I needed to head back to <place w:st="on">South London</place> anyway, why not meet him for a drink on route as I had been such a blow out to him all week? Surprisingly he instantly agreed to my hazy idea and we <b>arranged to meet Southside</b>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I bid my drunken workmates farewell and ventured off into the night to find the giant (completely forgetting I had a Jedwood mask on the back of my head and was decorated with raw vegetables). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">After a very blurry tube ride I stumbled out and found the giant northerner, off we went for drinks and conversation (or him trying to translate my slurs into sentences).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Very little can actually be recollected from the two hours I proceeded to spend with the online man but I do remember thinking he really was insanely tall and had odd hair (both facts I can imagine I voiced several times). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">At closing time we headed out into the night and I announced I would be getting a bus home. <strong>He</strong> <b>offered to get us a taxi</b> which I presumed was him being a gentlemen dropping me off home and then heading to his gaff afterwards (ahh the naïve drunken brain). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In the taxi giant gave a <b>fumbled attempted to kiss me which was far from enjoyable </b>and in the end resulted in me giving him a friendly push to end the ordeal. Somehow he ended up coming into my house for another drink; I headed off to the toilet to allow myself to think of a plan to get him out while he sat in my room… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I returned to the room with a speech all ready to launch into about how tired I was and how my big manly housemate would be home soon etc. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I looked up to find Giant sprawled out on my bed, completely naked, with condom on (yes that’s right ON) all ready for action.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>Questions arise- </strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">- How long was I gone for him to strip off all his clothes (and leave in a fairly neat pile at the foot of the bed), get excited, locate, open and put on a condom?! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">- Had he been practising various poses of how to lie to best present himself in that time frame?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">- Does he have a secret fetish for Jedwood? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">- What reaction did he expect? A simple hop on?! We don’t need to go into detail but even if I was planning to sleep with him (and I understand why he might have thought this was a possibility, I am not completely blameless here) it takes a little more than setting up the sails for it to be a true success story!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">- Had this approach worked in the past?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The reaction that did take place - I burst into hysterical laughter and exclaimed <b><i>‘’WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’’ </i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He was dressed in a flash, hopping around with his socks and out of the door; the only noise to be heard from him was the quick snap of the condom.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The next day I received this text message <b><i>‘’Hey Betty it was great to meet you, you seem like a really awesome girl and are really hot but something just wasn’t right. Take Care. Giant. x’’</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I have so far continued to be too shocked to think of a suitable response... </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-26873786938341325722012-07-10T04:50:00.002-07:002012-07-10T04:53:28.901-07:00A Thailand Adventure<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A few months ago, bored of the usual <city w:st="on">London</city> scene I decided to go global and headed off to the<strong> sunny shores of <place w:st="on"><country-region w:st="on">Thailand</country-region></place>. </strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I travelled round backpacker style clutching my lonely planet guide for dear life. <br />After a few days I was very much enjoying the carefree existence, making new friends, crisping up my pasty skin in the scorching sun and consuming potent alcohol served in buckets. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">One famous attraction of <place w:st="on"><country-region w:st="on">Thailand</country-region></place> is the epic <strong>full moon party</strong> which involves many drunken tourists bonding together all night on a beach covered in Day-Glo paint. It is at this party that many drunken incidents take place mainly being injury based. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">One Norwegian guy I met in <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Bangkok</place></city> told me probably the most <strong>shocking drunken episode</strong> that happened to a young man that he met the day following the carnage. <br />Norwegian had been forced to head hospital after thinking it was a good idea to vacate a tuc tuc whilst in transit resulting in some intense cuts to his limbs. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In the waiting room he noticed a young lad sobbing loudly into his hands. Norwegian sat for a while wondering if he should speak to him or not. After a bit of a self debate he went across, placed his hand on sobbing mans back and gently asked if he was ok. The inconsolable man looked up and replied in a distraught tone <strong><em>‘'NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT!’’ </em></strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Norwegian blinked at him speechless - taking in the perfectly tattooed batman logo around the crying mans eyes. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Turns out the poor lad had decided to sample a fair few of the ‘special’ mushrooms that are available from some of the more colourful bars on the island. The vegetable consumption had inspired him to insist strongly that a tattoo artist permanently brand him as batman so that everyone was aware of his status.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>Moral of the story- Don’t do drugs kids.</strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>Silver lining- Crying man will never be stumped for what to go as on Halloween</strong></span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-57676683804994656572012-03-22T05:32:00.000-07:002012-03-22T05:32:40.324-07:00Say it don't spray it<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYz56x7BUH4ghz792eVA3vRkSzWVcABoITZl8lXPHPZYvdlN82-vfmJ9Ic-f_u-LuYfqUZuICW9zTu9WWiIFyVQSJ-QoPAwPZgJo_Pxo9Gs2PYIptglIS6hdoJ_Qkryl7tevTKpan8x4ph/s1600/rain_umbrella.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img aea="true" border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYz56x7BUH4ghz792eVA3vRkSzWVcABoITZl8lXPHPZYvdlN82-vfmJ9Ic-f_u-LuYfqUZuICW9zTu9WWiIFyVQSJ-QoPAwPZgJo_Pxo9Gs2PYIptglIS6hdoJ_Qkryl7tevTKpan8x4ph/s200/rain_umbrella.jpg" width="188" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">A friend of mine recently made the school girl error of <strong>re-entering the world of online dating</strong>. Choosing a rather famously free (and mainly targeted at those guys looking to get a bit of action) site she got chatting to a young gent name James. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Via email he seemed funny, played various sports and aesthetically speaking passed the test with the few photos available for review. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To her disappointment he was <strong>nothing like his online persona</strong>, both physically and personality wise, he also appeared to have a bit of a problem keeping his saliva in his mouth, spitting at regular intervals during conversation. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">After consuming two drinks out of politeness, my friend called me and decided to make her excuses and join us at a pub a few tube stops down rather than sitting it out with Jimmy Spit A-Lot.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">After a fair few bevies in, my friend text some feedback to another friend regarding the date stating <strong><em>‘’Left after two Corona's, date was odd, had a dodgy eye, kept touching my leg and spitting at me every other word- pretty horrific.’’ </em></strong></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">We can all guess who the mistaken recipient of this text was.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">She is yet to hear back from James. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Always check and double check who you are sending a message too ladies and gents, technology is a danger to us all. </span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-59152582928287916472011-12-09T08:42:00.000-08:002011-12-09T09:11:17.895-08:00Bladder Boy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCYlvRdY_HVQaFZW1MPz0lJYYJpA3H4a8aNclhJDVIjInmwDQkdfgw1P6V9Gr0Yf4va4zF_PW0cBZRo53OPsrkVjc9ZvdiTRaYHNcvdrwegCKzN_5enA1hhXZvcS62ptKZ42CGVuWbt_KK/s1600/tena_for_men_level_1_5912.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" mda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCYlvRdY_HVQaFZW1MPz0lJYYJpA3H4a8aNclhJDVIjInmwDQkdfgw1P6V9Gr0Yf4va4zF_PW0cBZRo53OPsrkVjc9ZvdiTRaYHNcvdrwegCKzN_5enA1hhXZvcS62ptKZ42CGVuWbt_KK/s200/tena_for_men_level_1_5912.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hi and welcome back, thank you for your patience, I am hoping my newest adventures will make up for my absence. Please do enjoy my current escapades: </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I recently went to see a band with a crazy friend from <place w:st="on">Liverpool</place>. We <strong>drank, jived and sang</strong> along in standard Betty fashion. Following the performance my friend and I ventured out for some ‘fresh air’ and struck up conversation with some members of the band. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Several tequila shots later it seemed we had <strong>made some firm musically talented buddy’s</strong>. Along with the band was a mate of theirs that I appeared to warm to in my drunken haze. He was a northern musician; we shared the same birthday and seemed normal enough so I happily handed over my number to him when he left fairly early doors (should have seen this as an early sign of a bad match).</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My friend and I partied on into the night (at one point my companion removed her top and threw it onto the stage in true rock and roll fashion.) and I completely forgot about the Music Boy.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I woke up to a few text messages from Music Boy and we had a friendly text exchange. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">As the days progressed across the week text messages were taken up a notch with me receiving up to 4 in one sitting with no response from me, along with extra frequent phonecalls. Warning signs of an oddball but I thought I would still meet up with him when it was suggested, I had after all not exactly been inundated with date requests in the recent months.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We<strong> arranged to meet at a pub in <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Camden</place></city></strong> where some live music was taking pace, ideal Betty first date scenario. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Meeting outside the tube I instantly realised Music Boy was definitely not the tall, older and cool musician I had in my head; he was more a slight indie version of Justin Bieber than Charlie Fink. A shame but maybe we would at least get on as friends I convinced myself.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On arrival in the pub Music Boy disappeared straight to the bar and shortly after returned clutching a freshly poured pint; looking eagerly at his other hand I quickly caught on to the fact that<strong> I had not been included in this round</strong>, interesting approach. He then requested that I hold his drank while he headed off to the toilet to empty his bladder. This was not a good start, I glanced at the door contemplating making a hasty exit but he was back before I could make tracks. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Trying to shake off the bad feeling about the drink scenario I ordered a bucket of wine at the bar and gave conversation a go. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Luckily for me an hour into the evening I bumped into some work colleagues and I was given a slight outlet. One of my work mates kindly offered to buy us all a drink and Music boy leapt straight on the offer, <strong>falling over himself to join him at the bar,</strong> attractive. (I also received feedback following events that Music boy smoked pretty much an entire packet of my friend’s cigarettes in just two fresh air visits.)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Nearing the end of the disastrous evening my work mate placed his drink down on the side for a moment and on retrieval <strong>found Music Boy downing the remainder of the glass</strong>. (I have since learnt that the technical term for this act is ‘<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mindsweeping">minesweeping</a>’)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This was all too much, even for Betty dating standards. I quietly crept away from the ridiculous scene to subtly put my coat on and make an emergency solo exit. Before I could even pick up my coat <strong>Music Boy appeared out of nowhere asking if I was leaving</strong> and that he would come with me after he had been to the toilet. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Feeling bad I waited while he made use of the facilities and we left the pub. 2 seconds down the road Music Boy <strong>announced that he needed to go to the toilet again</strong> and dashed across the road to a closing pub. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Finally we made it on the tube where a few stops along the northern line Music Boy announced to me <strong>he would be leaving at the next stop so that he could go to the toilet,</strong> he also added that he always needs to plan his journeys in this careful manner so that he can go to the toilet on route. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A few things:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Please note I was in<strong> fact on a date with a healthy 25 year old</strong> not a 90 year old man.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He has now been renamed from <strong>Music boy to Bladder Boy</strong>; I think you can understand the reasoning behind this.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The night ended with me rejecting his offer of a kiss and instead offering him my cheek, which <strong>he proceeded to lick</strong>.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I will not be returning his persistent calls/texts.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A brilliant end to a great year of successful dating.</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-24042338585506553212011-08-12T07:41:00.000-07:002011-08-12T07:41:20.074-07:00Saw 3 Dan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFODMsJWLMUasfV4WH2ozYhy1vEqUc9WZ1A9XOgNQlwk-0nYWFSGdak_jS3jML2xkpkn54sJtLBGUS1E3SKNnPUHtA0OT0sPfscQc9O7D6aIM02_OcOyq4RoartY0a1EHghCXQbP7eZGmh/s1600/1280_Saw3-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" naa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFODMsJWLMUasfV4WH2ozYhy1vEqUc9WZ1A9XOgNQlwk-0nYWFSGdak_jS3jML2xkpkn54sJtLBGUS1E3SKNnPUHtA0OT0sPfscQc9O7D6aIM02_OcOyq4RoartY0a1EHghCXQbP7eZGmh/s200/1280_Saw3-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Now I feel my internet dating dabbles have been pretty disastrous (please refer to <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-happens-when-one-half-of-date-is.html">The Sober Date</a> and <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2011/05/return-of-betty.html">Return of Betty</a>) but after hearing this story from a friend this weekend I have realised I got off pretty lightly with savoury snack cheersing and strange emails:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">My friend Kate* had been chatting to Dan* fairly frequently on one of the more serious focused dating websites, they seemed to get along well and so decided to meet up for some drinks in the centre of town. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">After some enjoyable times in the pub the pair decided to <strong>head back to Dan’s abode for some further beverages</strong>, so far so good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">When they got in Kate sat down while Dan selected a film for them to watch- <strong>Saw 3</strong>. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">An interesting first date choice but Kate went with it (although confused as to why he particularly opted for the third film). </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">After half an hour of blood filled debauchery onscreen Dan appeared to want to make himself more comfortable and <strong>slipped off his trousers and sat silently in his pants</strong>.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">A few minutes passed and it would appear Dan was still not comfortable and so he decided to <strong>ditch the boxers</strong>. After sitting for a while he asked Kate if she would like another drink and sauntered off to the kitchen to get the wine, tackle swinging freely around in the process.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It is at this point I question as to why Kate did not make a sharp exit but instead she accepted the wine and tried to carry on as normal. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That was until Dan began to <strong>pleasure himself whilst staring at the screen</strong>. Yes that is right, Dan was partaking in some solo action whilst using the third in the Saw series as his porn.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Again most normal people would have fled the scene and just banked it as a good pub story but not Kate ladies and gentlemen, when I questioned what she did she simply <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">shrugged and said<strong><em> '</em></strong></span></span><strong><em>‘well I helped him out’'</em></strong></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Romance apparently is not dead.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">* As always names have been changed (slightly) to protect embarrassment, although not Saw 3 Dan, he deserves to be outed</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-44927010471446339842011-07-20T07:05:00.000-07:002011-07-20T14:39:45.054-07:00For folks sake<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw69MTGErwkD8yPskwCoXV4DiGSRFKRIcHLXfz96krmgYw3CZWLi-WjzhZ637QfC5gQIeMLXJ2KK6uDbm_w8DvBIApfubYHPWi7nB55OVl814QbGr2nmO6WOzrAkg0Hval5nIBdMoG47zL/s1600/instruments.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw69MTGErwkD8yPskwCoXV4DiGSRFKRIcHLXfz96krmgYw3CZWLi-WjzhZ637QfC5gQIeMLXJ2KK6uDbm_w8DvBIApfubYHPWi7nB55OVl814QbGr2nmO6WOzrAkg0Hval5nIBdMoG47zL/s200/instruments.jpg" t$="true" width="200px" /></a></div><br />
<div style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></div><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A short interlude but I felt I should share this random snippet of a Bettyism that took place on a bog standard Tuesday evening:</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For those that know me personally will know I have a big weakness for live music and discovering new bands, I love it, it gets me through the working week. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Last night I <b>ventured off to see a folky band</b> I am a big fan of in central <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London</place></city>. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">After a good time of drinking, singing and dancing about, the next thing I know I am waking up in a <b>very green bunk bed</b> in Kings Cross surrounded by instruments and more bunk beds containing the entire band. It was like being in some kind of musical army barracks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to clarify straight away (and to my relief) that I was <strong>fully clothed</strong> even complete with shoes. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">After taking in my odd surroundings I announced to the lead singer snoozing next to me that he looked different to normal (charming), <strong>leapt over a cello and was out of the door</strong>. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I now sit at my desk in yesterdays clothes (that I also slept in), reassessing my life- I am no longer a 20 year old student, it really is time to be reunited with that sensible part of my brain. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On another note I consider- why on earth am I still single?!</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-12921291890072315912011-05-25T07:42:00.000-07:002011-05-25T07:49:10.681-07:00How not to get a date Betty style<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhF6ioeB7nrxTI4SX7Nc30O8U9l7fmNGdU2AH5sd0Hsj9PIZgQptlL4Ola_nhqtNzi1Qtlm2ZmJ-OWwSgNSV7khXYjZShkqOcOI99rzASmLINSu4N3MVsUXOhjEcdqlHRrgIyycTVegh3K/s1600/20110310-Jagermeister-Bottle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhF6ioeB7nrxTI4SX7Nc30O8U9l7fmNGdU2AH5sd0Hsj9PIZgQptlL4Ola_nhqtNzi1Qtlm2ZmJ-OWwSgNSV7khXYjZShkqOcOI99rzASmLINSu4N3MVsUXOhjEcdqlHRrgIyycTVegh3K/s200/20110310-Jagermeister-Bottle.jpg" t8="true" width="150" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Recently after enjoying a day of sunshine and the finest cava/cider combo in a South West London sun spot, my friends and I decided to continue on the happy sunny vibe in a bar (first mistake). </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It was while enjoying a stimulating game of <strong><em>'‘I have never’'</em></strong> and several jagerbombs (second mistake) that a slightly recognisable guy walked over to me and asked</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><strong><em>‘’Did you go to <middle of the range university name> and have a mangled finger?’’ </em></strong></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">My response was to nod, grin and proudly wangle my bent/lumpy/disturbing looking finger in his face. (Long story on the origins but I have touched upon it in my <span style="color: #606420;"><a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2010/11/hello-good-evening-and-welcome.html">introduction post</a></span>). </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Turned out (obviously) to be someone I <strong>shared drunken student memories with 5 years prior</strong>- small world and all that. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Apparently said guy <strong>had seen me around the South West parts a few times</strong> (stalker) but had refrained from approaching me in the past as he was scared I may not be THE mangled finger girl- very pleased to have such a classy reputation from my uni days.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">We exchanged numbers and later on my friends and I partied on with uni buddy and co. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The rest of the evening turned into a bit of a blur but I think I recall wine and dance moves being busted out which is slightly worrying, also potential of a bit of snogging action but this is all <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">presumption</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> on my part.<span lang="FR"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The next thing I knew I was <strong>waking up (fully clothed I will add) in a strange house</strong> with a pretty fusty smell invading my nose. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I remained in my duvet cocoon for a while trying to regrow the memory cells that had been cruelly killed off with a rather large concoction of juvenile drinking games and alcohol. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I eventually sat up to see uni buddy bustling around the room, slowly the earlier part of the evening came back to me and I at least knew who I was with. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I glanced in a mirror and realised apparently<strong> overnight I had turned into Slash</strong>- huge hair, make up smudged, eyes like pin holes- beautiful. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I also realised around the same moment i still felt a tad intoxicated and started babbling on as a result. Turned out everything I said/asked we had apparently touched upon the night before, damn my boozey memory.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Rewind a few hours:</span></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Now the background that leads up to this point of the story is based on a hazy memory and feedback from uni bud, I do not hold any responsibility for the reliability of the social inept accusations that take place:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">We apparently <strong>skipped off merrily in a taxi to uni buds abode</strong> in a different town. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Having no recollection of any taxi ride I had asked if we were in the area we were drinking in, uni bud seemed to take offence to this and began to realise the true extent of my memory loss, it appears I am quite good at concealing it at the time.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">On return to the house it appeared we had <strong>continued the drinking</strong>- evidence of this was in the lounge where there sat a half drunk cider tinnie (mine) and a polished off bottle of Peroni (his)- I do sometimes worry about my ability to consume such large quantities of alcohol. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">During our <s>drunken slurs</s> in-depth conversation, uni bud politely <strong>offered to take me out </strong>to which I allegedly barked in response <strong><em>‘’only if it is to do with live music’'</em></strong> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Now I know I am quite the enthusiast for live music and do rate gigs as one of my top things to do, but I don’t think this is really quite the manner to approach an offer of a date, especially as they have been very few and far between this year.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I walked into the bedroom to announce immediately <strong><em>‘’It STINKS in here’’</em></strong> (always the charmer) and then proceed to collapse in the bed and sleep like a baby.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">A true romantic tale.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Fast forward back to the morning</span></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">We stumbled out together pretty early doors as uni bud had to get to some charity work that he does every weekend (bless) but yet miraculously <strong>still with talk of meeting up in the near future</strong>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I now await to see if this was polite exit chat on his part or if he does in fact want to be charmed by Betty once again.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Question- will I hear from uni buddy again and do you think that date offer will still truly stand after this episode?!</span></span></b></div></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-92217192041191451722011-05-06T04:29:00.000-07:002011-05-06T04:35:42.333-07:00Return of Betty<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZiPd1BMyGs9vCOkd_Ks_PXDHUg-u5yGhhLDbqJqTWPmbDVCXLFTmS5GR86NQmfMzD6ee8i28J15MXoC5cqegbGk3o7G8eo_TK4BqZKSOdj6Z5tFWdv5VPv2-EiTkz82Rt6RF5qZsiOhyphenhyphenK/s1600/MRA_Dougal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZiPd1BMyGs9vCOkd_Ks_PXDHUg-u5yGhhLDbqJqTWPmbDVCXLFTmS5GR86NQmfMzD6ee8i28J15MXoC5cqegbGk3o7G8eo_TK4BqZKSOdj6Z5tFWdv5VPv2-EiTkz82Rt6RF5qZsiOhyphenhyphenK/s200/MRA_Dougal.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">It has been a while readers, I apologise, it wasn’t you it was me, I promise I will change and put in more time and commitment these days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">A few things to report from my disastrous and inept world here in London, here's your first slightly depressing instalment:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Once again after much self protest I <strong>rejoined the wonders of mysinglefriend</strong>- once again I was in <strong>immediate regret</strong> at paying to receive email messages from weirdos. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">My favourite of an odd bunch came from David; he had only the one very close up picture of himself which did reveal a hint of home and away eyes and a very ornament heavy shelving unit in the background:</span><br />
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<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Hello Betty,</span></b></em><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
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<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">So do you like dancing? - what type? I've recently taken up salsa and am actually really enjoying it - albeit that this was recently curtailed by a comedy dislocation of my knee at an 80s party involving a <place w:st="on">dorset</place> naga chilli, batfink, top gun and a moustache....</span></b></em><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
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<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Given the slightly random nature of this whole online dating thing, here are some random facts about me:</span></b></em><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
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<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">• my nickname at primary school was Dougal because one of the guys couldn't pronounce my surname and thought I looked like the dog from the magic roundabout...it has stuck ever since</span></b></em><b><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial;">• I dislocated my knee dancing to kung fu fighting at uni - very very embarrassing!</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial;">• At the risk of making myself sound geeky, I'm a big roller coaster fanatic, and would think nothing of travelling half the world to try out the latest thrill machines!!</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial;">• I'm also a bit of a pyromaniac nut and put on a big fireworks display at least once a year for friends</span></em></span></i></b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
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<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">What are some random facts about you?</span></b></em><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
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<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Anyway, if you fancy a drink and a giggle, it would be great to hear from you.</span></b></em><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">David </span></b></em><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
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<em><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">P.S. I know Kung Fu!</span></b></em><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">A salsa dancing, injury-prone, kung fo fighter and roller coaster fanatic that resembles Dougal from the Magic Roundabout- Salsa dancing makes me cringe, I am terrified of heights and exceptionally scared of the phrase ‘pyromaniac nut’- I was not convinced I wanted to join him for a giggle or share my ‘random facts’. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">I have chosen not to renew the subscription and am removing myself entirely- I mean it this time, me and internet dating are over. (Please remind me of this in a few months whenever I show tell tale signs of weakness in my posts).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">I am heading out to London town tonight to sample the real world and not act overly drunk and stupid- any chat up lines to rival my usual Barry chat up line very welcomed at this stage. </span>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-75679779870689753762011-04-06T08:18:00.000-07:002011-04-07T08:46:33.769-07:00Sniff Speed Dating<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span> </span> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrbaJ35AyQPnqaumTsFkCWlWHvIYh0eXszK2elqWxVTVYm3PnDKw_n9gbURyn88xonC1DWDP5kWn0F8j4GGOWYKoMLn4XhxWks92ksPDn_XRSKzHtWWqGbtSnTgaSZ0QPVGGHm7WFA0xzm/s1600/nose.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrbaJ35AyQPnqaumTsFkCWlWHvIYh0eXszK2elqWxVTVYm3PnDKw_n9gbURyn88xonC1DWDP5kWn0F8j4GGOWYKoMLn4XhxWks92ksPDn_XRSKzHtWWqGbtSnTgaSZ0QPVGGHm7WFA0xzm/s200/nose.gif" width="161" /></a></div><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></span></span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong><em>Dear Betty,</em></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong><em>We’re really excited that you are joining join <s>Daz</s> generic washing powder brand and our celebrity host Jennifer Ellison to give your senses the work out they deserve! Below is a top line overview of what to expect on the night – the night is completely free and it’s going to be lots of fun! </em></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong><em>On the night:</em></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong><em>There will be three rounds all based around the scents and smells that really get you going. For each round you will be asked to discuss smells that either take you back, represent you or just something you couldn’t live without. </em></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong><em>With complimentary cocktails and canapés on arrival, come along, join in the antics and celebrate the launch of two great smelling varieties – Mandarin and Lime Splash and Summer Flower Power. </em></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong><em>We look forward to seeing you there!</em></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong><em>Dating Original</em></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Last Wednesday after <s>bribing with the idea of free booze</s> rounding up some eager single troops, I headed out to the inner (non homosexual) area of <place w:st="on">Soho</place> to take part in the latest <s>cheap promotion</s> dating craze- sniff speed dating. Why I was initially targeted for this campaign is uncertain to me but meeting the men of <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London</place></city> over free cocktails sounded a bit win win, even if we did have to revolve the conversation around aromas. </span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The event was in a members only exclusive club- basically a very small overly white room with a shit load of mirrors, perfect.</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">My first date, a bald, awkward lawyer who lived scarily close to me in <place w:st="on">SW London</place>, opened the ‘date’ by pulling out the following:</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><strong>Play doh</strong></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><strong>Savlon cream</strong></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><strong>Haribo sweets</strong></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br />
Read into this what you will but at first I was terrified and pretty baffled as to where he had been prior to the event- Turned out he had taken the whole smell thing one step further and brought along props to back up his childhood smells- interesting start.</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Next up a wasted dude called Jake, he swayed away from the smell discussion and instead asked me an interesting array of questions mainly revolved around my sexual preferences- considerate research?!</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">During my third date with a pretty awkward guy that looked like he worked in IT, the 'celebrity' guest mosied on up to us, plastered a massive fake smile on her chops and proceeded to ask if we had yet found <strong>'love at first sniff'</strong> (genius pun) in probably the strongest scouse accent I have ever come across. </span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Brilliant, that got rid of the weird/forced atmosphere, especially as so far we had barely said hello. <br />
Didn't think it could get anymore awkward until I managed to <strong>flick my marking pen lid right in her face</strong> smacking her in the eyebrow- she didn't find it as funny as me, surprisingly.</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong>Date 4</strong>- Drunk guy's equally as drunk mate who out did him with the questions incorporating both the smell theme and sexual preferences- nice.<span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong>Date 5</strong>- Nervous Neil who wouldn’t look me in the eye and looked at least 20 years older than me.<span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong>Date 6</strong>- Cakey Collin who was walking around with a squashed fruit cake in his pocket (his favourite childhood scent apparently).<span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong>Date 7</strong>- A friendly guy from <country-region w:st="on">Turkey</country-region> who proceeded to tell me he was searching for a wife like his sister who was living in <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Istanbul.</place></city></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><strong>Things were getting very odd.</strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">When the final bell rang I was surrounded by an impressive amount of empty cocktail glasses and yet my score sheet had been completely disregarded- <strong>not even alcohol goggles were helping</strong> out here.</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">When reunited with my friends we heard over the mic that the second half would commence in 10 minutes. <br />
One quick look to the door, no words uttered just a simple nod, we made a break for it, each grabbing the goodie bag on route.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">A few lessons learnt from this new dating experience:</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><strong>Smell isn’t the best discussion topic when dating.</strong></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><strong>Jennifer Ellison is not a fan of Betty or flying pen lids.</strong></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><strong>Free dating events attract attractive women accompanied by equally attractive friends…</strong></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><strong>They also unfortunately attract oddball men who turn up solo.</strong></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><strong>The new Summer Flower Power liquid wash really is a smell sensation.</strong></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">One question- should I give the bog standard speed dating a whirl?</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Thoughts/feelings?!</span><span style="font-family: ""Times New Roman""; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-29313802498039474832011-03-28T05:46:00.000-07:002011-03-28T05:46:47.234-07:00Tanorexic Betty<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Recently I gave the whole fake tan idea a whirl, I was off to a wedding and felt the need to up my effort and do a bit of self maintenance. Not being a regular user the obvious happened and I got a bit tan happy, end result left </span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">me looking a bit like an extra for The Only way is Essex, brilliant.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">When discussing the tanning delights with an old university friend she was quick to remind me of my old tanning habits with photographic evidence to back up her point.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ladies and gentlemen I am now sharing with you this imagery as a way of educating anyone that turns to the bottle- live and learn. Do enjoy my pain:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCiL17mRJyjPsEEYKwYXrPK0vuTi8PeOspQxuNVGl8cXA2azXqfQwOEKDQ2eEXAME9lOb1yZbKuyvu0s9fhU1rlBYnUJI0YDxxESFHjBltlFkqykbsHwA68NwgoBEXzoagmIBSz4JaRkbV/s1600/New+Image.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCiL17mRJyjPsEEYKwYXrPK0vuTi8PeOspQxuNVGl8cXA2azXqfQwOEKDQ2eEXAME9lOb1yZbKuyvu0s9fhU1rlBYnUJI0YDxxESFHjBltlFkqykbsHwA68NwgoBEXzoagmIBSz4JaRkbV/s320/New+Image.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-no-proof: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Lessons learnt- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>two applications ARE enough and always remember to do the entire body including the face.</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-77270435528015072212011-03-09T08:02:00.000-08:002012-07-10T03:48:31.324-07:00X-rated Betty (almost)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnrCty8zsQ_Wr9Lc-JSHWz4YfpHvuh837Cb86opCdDZtanOW3rS8x9ZLq_S6MpIh2l4vq_wAVjM0Oh_As-UxdPR2lyvKUcBXQNI9ZGcwuMAPWsYpIlDYMWanDQNGpdUeiY69tWVNC8yVhJ/s1600/lamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnrCty8zsQ_Wr9Lc-JSHWz4YfpHvuh837Cb86opCdDZtanOW3rS8x9ZLq_S6MpIh2l4vq_wAVjM0Oh_As-UxdPR2lyvKUcBXQNI9ZGcwuMAPWsYpIlDYMWanDQNGpdUeiY69tWVNC8yVhJ/s200/lamp.jpg" width="143" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">*<b>Reader warning- this post contains some references of an embarrassing sexual nature</b>*</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Back when I was a <strong>young fresh faced student</strong> I had many an awkward moment with the male species. I was newly single when I packed up my wears, headed northwards to uni and was not entirely sure how to act with this new role in the big world of undergraduate freedom.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">One <strong>extreme case</strong> was when a male friend of mine from the village days decided to try his hand at student life for a weekend and came to visit me in my student digs. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">After a night of drinking £1 voddy red bulls and cheeky vimtos, villager and I decided it was a good idea to <strong>go over the friend barrier</strong> and stumbled back to my breeze block bedroom.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Being the safe responsible young girlie I am I had a collection of protection devices in my top drawer and handed one over.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Village boy fumbled around for a while with said protection device and appeared to be struggling somewhat. Without warning he headed to my en-suite (posh student) and all that could be heard was a pretty <strong>eye watering snapping noise</strong>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">5 minutes passed and he returned to my single bed and lay next to me without a word. We both stared at the ceiling in silence, until in a very confused tone he announced <strong><em>‘I don’t know if I have suddenly had a growth spurt but that wasn’t going on for anything.’</em></strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Suddenly remembering the range of free ‘protection devices’ I had picked up at the fresher fair I gasped and turned on the light- my suspicions were realised, I had handed over the <strong>item branded</strong> <strong>‘trim’</strong> on the front- I had wondered what all that was about, all made sense now.<span style="color: navy;"> </span>(Guess I should have been somewhat pleased it wasn’t of a sufficient fit).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Village boy was in a fair amount of pain the following day as he had in fact managed to shoe horn the item on for a few seconds (got to give the guy credit for his determination).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The next night however the <strong>usual student drunken blur</strong> resumed and we found ourselves back in my single bed in the same situation. This time I was certain there were no more trim antics and I confidently handed over the contraception. The <s>awkward fumbling</s> passion continued until he let out a shriek, jumped off the bed and shouted loudly<span style="color: navy;"> </span>‘it’s burning.’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Panicked I turned the light on<span style="color: navy;">-</span> <strong>the packet read ‘menthol.’</strong></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Some lessons learnt from this experience:</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Always check the small print</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Always leave the light on</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It wasn’t meant to be with village boy</span></span></div>
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</ul>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-53080653680518565252011-03-01T06:50:00.000-08:002011-03-01T06:53:02.466-08:00Betty no dates<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIoh_Kw8WWotmZyog3lT4fu270tHKQnIz3hFTVtt53a_bdKFBseRmRCsxlSY8CVyk3b9lOrWrPjbcroAHqcFZnSStDTOBq_Yiro5LS60_SL2tpLLVoIP1jhMqrpZJb-gyDYQl-IC6YTl8r/s1600/escape-button.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIoh_Kw8WWotmZyog3lT4fu270tHKQnIz3hFTVtt53a_bdKFBseRmRCsxlSY8CVyk3b9lOrWrPjbcroAHqcFZnSStDTOBq_Yiro5LS60_SL2tpLLVoIP1jhMqrpZJb-gyDYQl-IC6YTl8r/s200/escape-button.jpg" width="166" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">2011 so far has been very low down on the Betty dating stakes- I have basically not had a single glimmer of a date, it is now March, this is depressing. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My friends have been suggesting I re-visit the online dating world after I dismissed it so suddenly following my <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-happens-when-one-half-of-date-is.html">pasty date</a>. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I did start to contemplate this option as <strike>partying and acting drunk/stupid</strike> busy London life seems to be getting in the way of meeting any potentials in the real world, apart from of course the lovely <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2011/02/best-chat-up-line-ever-honest.html">‘Pants man’</a> and his award winning chat up line.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">After much debate with myself I reluctantly logged into my account and read my first new message as below:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">‘Even if it might feel a bit hard to talk to an unfamiliar guy.. who actually is kind inside, please surprise me Betty.. and drop me a line about how you are .. believe me it is at least as hard for me to start a conversation with someone who is only a bit more than a picture from the internet at the moment.. :) But I would like to know you a bit better.<br />
Myself, I am looking for a human being in a female body! to have a chat and fun with. I think the reason behind this website is to have a nice time without force so let’s start with some light fun chat if you feel like, I would really appreciate it.<br />
Where about in <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London</place></city> do you live?’</span></span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I logged out. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Confirmed- Internet dating is not my bag.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I think I am going to give speed dating a bash.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Any other suggestions welcomed at this point.</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-34815967401216079472011-02-18T06:15:00.000-08:002011-02-18T06:43:52.076-08:00Best chat up line ever- honest<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ5uM-kzkptLKtAOOfC8JjA9sG0NwQvHlUyGoiXebqULbN_BOytRsDM_4StumZ3E8Tirg4BpJM8t3PvNPMYLBbGPjGS16GYrLG6o4kijU9rP_VT-D5ACpSG56P5ZMYVwFEPk5qX8FBUbhG/s1600/underwear-yfronts-why-ask.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ5uM-kzkptLKtAOOfC8JjA9sG0NwQvHlUyGoiXebqULbN_BOytRsDM_4StumZ3E8Tirg4BpJM8t3PvNPMYLBbGPjGS16GYrLG6o4kijU9rP_VT-D5ACpSG56P5ZMYVwFEPk5qX8FBUbhG/s1600/underwear-yfronts-why-ask.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-no-proof: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This is a very short post which isn’t really a true post but i thought my readers and fellow blogger's would enjoy this snippet.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-no-proof: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On Friday evening while patiently waiting to be served in a <place w:st="on"><city w:st="on">London</city></place> pub I recevied THE best chat up line ever. A rather vertically challenged guy with a line shaved in his brow stated:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><i><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-no-proof: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">‘’Your eyes just made me come in my pants.’’</span></span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-no-proof: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Definition of charmer. I was so overwhelmed all I could muster together to say was </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-no-proof: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><i>‘‘Do you want a tissue?!’’</i></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-no-proof: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My love life is getting a tad depressing. Please help.</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-64426736981788857212011-02-16T09:42:00.000-08:002011-02-17T04:28:23.872-08:00Betty and the Banker- Take 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWoDBsvcSANTxUHwJxHcwmXZnMURLDpA0QyzbUq_CU5yGvivCrN1L-tWXS1SRyCaJ-Iww8NHan44Y5v768HrfDSuLybeGl4b9vOAfWFjOtRHJF21WVrt5F9rcbG4orJZ5HOUmI8bv1Cc1P/s1600/money.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWoDBsvcSANTxUHwJxHcwmXZnMURLDpA0QyzbUq_CU5yGvivCrN1L-tWXS1SRyCaJ-Iww8NHan44Y5v768HrfDSuLybeGl4b9vOAfWFjOtRHJF21WVrt5F9rcbG4orJZ5HOUmI8bv1Cc1P/s200/money.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black;">CONTINUED......(please read </span><a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2011/02/betty-and-banker.html"><span style="color: black;">part 1</span></a><span style="color: black;">)</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Asked banker where he wanted to go he told me he had already pre planned where we would be heading for dinner- nice work organiser, I was impressed….until he led us through the town to the door of <strong>GBK</strong>. Now I am no snob or money grabber but I had a few issues with this plan:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">1.<strong> The burgers are MASSIVE</strong> how on earth was I supposed to eat this with any kind of dignity? I had enough problems with the everyday knife and fork option with my wonky finger. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black;">2. It is a restaurant that constantly makes an <strong>appearance on voucher codes</strong></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">3. This guy earns a packet- his <strong>average bonus is more than I earn in a year</strong> and wasn’t shy in telling me (basically all he had spoken about the whole walk) why were we heading to an awkward to eat budget restaurant?!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">4. I prefer Nandos</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">We sat down and after looking at all the tasty options I decided in order to best avoid obvious food spillage dramas I would have to opt for the vegetarian option- <strong>a giant mushroom pretending to be a burger</strong>- great. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">He asked me what I wanted and after a slight look of disgust at my beverage choice of Savanna Dry he hot footed it to the counter where he proceeded to pull out a <strong>buy one get one free</strong> print out voucher- tight arse.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black;">On return to the table banker continued with his money chat, finding himself hilarious with tales of his prediction of the credit crisis years ago and how he had actually benefited greatly from the downfall- really start to dislike this man and he had an <strong>ugly laugh with a</strong> <strong>sporadic snort.</strong></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Food arrived which instantly caused a <strong>huge pang of food envy</strong>- he had a burger piled with tasty treats, I had a big flat mushroom in bread. Take my anger out on the ketchup bottle which results in splash back on my lap-attractive.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black;">Banker was now talking in detail of his second interest- <strong>Star Wars</strong>, this is beginning to turn into my absolute nightmare date, have a sneaky look around for hidden cameras, and unfortunately the conclusion is that this was in fact real. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Following an extremely dull dinner with very little discussion on my part- I think I only spoke to let him know that he could tell me about the <strong>big bang theory</strong> if he wanted but I really wouldn’t listen, he went ahead and I true to my word zoned out, I did pre warn- we headed off to a bar. I was hoping that alcohol would maybe perk up this ridiculously dull/annoying situation. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black;">After one drink we sat with empty glasses for an uncomfortable amount of time- I asked banker if we were having another drink or if he needed to get home. His response <strong><em>'‘Well I went to the bar and got the last drink so I really think it is your turn.'’</em></strong> Holding my irritation I asked what he would like, his response <strong><em>‘'a double JD and coke.’'</em></strong></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Now although I do believe in equality and do often offer to buy drinks on dates, this joker had been basically bragging about his earnings all night, surely I could at least be rewarded with a few drinks for listening to him bleat on? Also when he purchased the drinks he went for a budget pint of larger- what’s with the upgrade?</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Most of my friends do tell me at this point I should have brought the two drinks, downed them both in front of him and then walked out without a word- I wish I had thought of this at the time. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Instead I stomp to the bar and remembering one of his rants from earlier on in the bar about girls drinking pints I <strong>opt for a pint of Hoegaarden which is served in a glass the size of my face</strong>, ask for his drink to be served in a small tumbler to make the impact even more effective.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Bang the huge glass down on the table and give Banker a sweet smile, he looked at me as though I had removed his carefully placed handkerchief and burnt it in front of his face (what I really wanted to do). </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">He <strong>drank down his drink in a record time of ten seconds not saying a word</strong>; I carefully slurped my giant beer holding it with two hands like a child with a beaker of milk. He no longer appeared to be talking, snorting or laughing- result. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Two seconds later he made his excuses and left me to my big beer, I called my best mate and we <strong>drank three more pints and a bottle of red wine</strong>- silver lining.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">I refrained from contacting him again.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">He did the same.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Not sure I will be dating a banker again</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-67876365554277464562011-02-11T07:57:00.000-08:002011-02-11T07:59:10.095-08:00Betty and the Banker<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfRCG9hpOMMScWK4-Rsx2OkTkwiZtrqh35Dij3nbmv35AGoECR7Ci3wMAACONLIHshNe66SdJzyXul4wyWG6cMIlj6ozWy5WUIYIwytM0oXWMoo65BemmHmOf3xgXmxlA8z85mYsmXg7iq/s1600/cbbc.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfRCG9hpOMMScWK4-Rsx2OkTkwiZtrqh35Dij3nbmv35AGoECR7Ci3wMAACONLIHshNe66SdJzyXul4wyWG6cMIlj6ozWy5WUIYIwytM0oXWMoo65BemmHmOf3xgXmxlA8z85mYsmXg7iq/s200/cbbc.bmp" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Yesterday I was stumbling around The City of London (banker paradise) clutching Google map print outs, getting extremely lost trying to find venues to view for work. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In my polka dot coat, bright red shoes and crazy miss-matching scarf, I definitely did not fit into the suited and booted environment- I looked like a <strong>CBBC presenter on a scavenger hunt.</strong></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This episode took me right back to a <strong>date I had in my early days of <place w:st="on"><city w:st="on">London</city></place> life</strong> when I agreed to go out with a banker, the experience I think contributed towards my allergy for them these days. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Here is the Betty B-esque tale:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I had always been a little <strong>wary of the whole banker idea</strong> being a general indie scruff that hangs out in <city w:st="on">Camden</city> rather than Mayfair, but when I was asked out on a date within my first few weeks in <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London</place></city> I thought I should go for it. It was my first date in the big city (and actual first date after a 4 year relationship), I needed to get back out on the scene plus rumour had it they earn a pretty hefty whack- not that I am materialistic but with the big move I was living like a student, a nice dinner would go down a right treat.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I first met the guy in question on a <strong>random night out in <place w:st="on">East London</place></strong> with new work colleagues; he just bowled over to us, brought us wine and asked for my business card- all new to me. It would seem pulling in the big smoke was altogether very different to the approach further North that I had been used to (usually involving bum gropes, bright coloured shots, unsubtle winks, thumbs up and high fives.)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On the evening of the date I met him at the train station ready and raring to take on the dating world idea, proud that I was already on a big date in the city- the <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London</place></city> slightly clumsier version of Carrie Bradshaw, brilliant.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I instantly noticed that he was <strong>extremely suited up</strong>, shiny shoes, ironed shirt to the point of OCD standards and to top it off <strong>some kind of handkerchief</strong> in his top pocket (who owns handkerchiefs these days?!) Had a little look down at my appearance and was not entirely convinced he was going to dig the leopard print pumps and skinny jeans combo I had going on- I really should have run at this point…..</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-73867007482169350212011-02-03T08:23:00.000-08:002011-02-04T06:43:35.524-08:00Textual Healing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgicONKrHirn6JuosIM3eMaFImqNMxr_RmOmpy68ddxc1IipmntT5lWOhEnVM62daVEUXXEi3mL-fuUwXkWFqAkX7ZQnRbZd9qbJCP94ZZKuNfjKrEbUVWZxfFINuPShcBtFkX2uOpmAfV0/s1600/face-embarrassed.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgicONKrHirn6JuosIM3eMaFImqNMxr_RmOmpy68ddxc1IipmntT5lWOhEnVM62daVEUXXEi3mL-fuUwXkWFqAkX7ZQnRbZd9qbJCP94ZZKuNfjKrEbUVWZxfFINuPShcBtFkX2uOpmAfV0/s200/face-embarrassed.bmp" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">So ladies, gentlemen, fellow bloggers and nosey friends, It would appear that I have managed to gain a target for the <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2011/01/sex-texting.html">sex texting project 2011</a>… it would also appear that I have absolutely no idea how to handle it. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I received a text message of the<strong> x-rated</strong> variety out of the blue late last night but instead of getting stuck in with a steamy response I was a tad shocked, humoured and embarrassed. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Now don’t get me wrong I am no prude and enjoy naughtiness as much as the next person but seriously how can you transfer this into characters, abbreviations and suggestive wink faces?!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It feels a completely impossible task to carry out without sounding like you are lifting lines from a bad porno or your Mum's Jackie Collins novel. Basically I admit it- I clearly <strong>have not mastered the language of text dirty talk</strong>. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">When discovering this phenomenon it would seem even the coyest of my friends were freely embracing the <strong>textual intercourse</strong> and enjoying it along the way- why can I, as one of the louder varieties, not do the same?!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do not fear I am not a quitter, I am determined to conquer my newly found fear and carry out this field research but any tips/advice/words of encouragement greatly appreciated.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I will be sure to report on any developments, do enjoy my <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">embarrassing </span>journey.</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-53569298665921598952011-01-27T02:51:00.000-08:002011-01-27T02:51:39.562-08:00Dating memoirs of Betty B<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhERZo2Ogp7KumSf-T5Xm9RGKMKyXtnSMOGqN4d8t_U2cXQH4peguJ06VwIyaZeacG1gLH50gapjYoeu4KIkXRbtBg9JSPB5vkRAjm4bXTnFxhqADF0qIUTm6N_j75mnGSWPw-4u4rdaetq/s1600/untitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhERZo2Ogp7KumSf-T5Xm9RGKMKyXtnSMOGqN4d8t_U2cXQH4peguJ06VwIyaZeacG1gLH50gapjYoeu4KIkXRbtBg9JSPB5vkRAjm4bXTnFxhqADF0qIUTm6N_j75mnGSWPw-4u4rdaetq/s200/untitled.bmp" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My new year’s resolution to get back out there and up my dating game has fallen at the first hurdle- I have not partaken in a singular date or even mild flirtation all month- disappointing but I blame the <strong>January blues/slump</strong>- <place w:st="on"><city w:st="on">London</city></place> and I are not ourselves right now. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">During this slight glitch in my plans I have been looking back to when I did enjoy one nighters, dates, flings and (gasp) relationships and reflecting on how I achieved this. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">And so I introduce you to- <strong>Pulling tips by Betty B</strong>: (take notes ladies*)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do <strong>pull up a bar stool</strong> nosily from one side of the pub to the other, put it next to you and rub the seat in a circular motion while staring at the victim, he will sit there and chat-eventually.</span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do <strong>introduce dance moves</strong> to your strategy, recommendations include the ‘doll’ dance- this involves placing your index finger onto the victims head and encouragingly voicing the word spin over and over until they respond, no matter how reluctant they enjoy it. </span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If you have a <strong>plaster cast</strong> on your arm do use it to your full advantage- guys will be impressed if you consistently whack them on the head with it.</span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do ‘pretend’ to think they are of a <strong>homosexual nature</strong> and invite them to join you on a hunt for some men</span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do respond to a half naked picture message sent to you by your conquest with a picture of you leaping about in a <strong>banana suit</strong>.</span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do, after inviting your victim over, <strong>collapse in your front garden</strong> with your handbag spilt out everywhere after drinking blue aftershock for the first time- what man doesn’t want to rescue a damsel in distress? (please note this was a very early conquest- may no longer be applicable) </span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do impress them at the after party of a boozy wedding with the concept of <strong>‘kettle beer’</strong> when there is no alcohol available at back at the accommodation. To carry this out simply remove the standard kettle from the hotel room and lean over the closed hotel bar to fill the kettle to the brim- winner.</span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do ask them if they can <strong>touch their toes</strong> and then proceed to prove that you can.</span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 8pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">* Disclaimer- although the above tips did in fact work I do not hold any responsibility for potential failures but will take credit for success stories</span></span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-89981559376525677322011-01-17T08:58:00.000-08:002011-01-18T07:15:33.584-08:00From Hawaii to South London<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9IoW-fIpFhhGZx7GEHHRTxvQAhNv6fDDH4Qh1WWqj3Pyo1iPwXVVje9wS9rYqrSxV43QRURNYu0-a5T0z3yglAX__XjTWrIgh9UsSmFVqH5O4h41K8ffwrH51Azo791pmZnv5QhLrcWiv/s1600/shed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9IoW-fIpFhhGZx7GEHHRTxvQAhNv6fDDH4Qh1WWqj3Pyo1iPwXVVje9wS9rYqrSxV43QRURNYu0-a5T0z3yglAX__XjTWrIgh9UsSmFVqH5O4h41K8ffwrH51Azo791pmZnv5QhLrcWiv/s200/shed.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I just wanted to quickly share a very amusing story that occurred this weekend as I think you may enjoy and it is too funny to not make a blog entry. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Saturday night I went to a good friend’s fancy dress party, the night was a <strong>Hawaiian theme</strong> and we enjoyed boozing from coconuts, splashing about in paddling pools and jiving to tin drum sound affects- brilliant. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I was obviously being my usual inept self and concentrating more on acting like a drunken buffoon than trying out the whole pulling concept (something that I need to change if I am ever going to get a<a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2011/01/sex-texting.html"> sex texting</a> victim). I did however actively encourage my friend (dressed as <strong>Hawaiian Barbie</strong>) to get with one of the <strong>camouflage boys</strong> that were dancing around the palm trees. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>Victory occurred</strong> and they headed off into the night to go back to her house in South West <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London-</place></city> always like to help out a friend. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Disaster struck for the newly found lovers though on return to the house when Barbie realised she had left her bag at the party- in <state w:st="on">north west</state> <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London-</place></city> error. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Now most people would have reluctantly either headed back to the party or checked into a nearby hotel but this girl is definitely not ‘most people.’ Instead she convinced army boy to jump over the fence and check out the garden with her as her dog was in the house and he would get lonely(?!)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">And so ladies and gents after much debate Barbie and Action man had their romantic time on a Christmas tree box in a <strong>garden shed</strong> under a picnic blanket surrounded by a full range of gardening equipment- epic. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Now this in itself is amusing enough but early in the morning action man made his excuses and made a get away back to North <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London (can we really blame him?)</place></city>. Barbie decided that enough was enough, she couldn’t face shed life solo and with the aid of paint pot smashed the back window and crawled through into the house greeted by her lonely dog. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A few hours passed and Barbie had a realisation that she did not want to foot the bill of said window and so in a quick wave of genius she <strong>called the police</strong> thinking she would simply get a crime reference number to give to the landlord- job done. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The reality-<strong>two police officers with forensics</strong> to take finger prints etc rocking up to fully investigate the matter. Now it is worth mentioning that Action man was in fact a very wealthy city banker with a PHD, not really someone to go round breaking into houses, yet clearly his finger prints will be all over the gaff. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Barbie was truly terrified when the police pointed to <strong>two surveillance cameras</strong> on the wall behind the house that clearly face onto the garden and announced they would check the footage as they were <strong>almost certain to have picked up the crime scene</strong>. I really do want to be there when they sit and down and witness Hawaiian Barbie in a pink grass skirt bash down a window with a dulux pot. – only my friends.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-83626695135955916322011-01-07T07:56:00.000-08:002011-01-07T07:56:13.762-08:00Macho Macho Man?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGZUqVts7J_guqF-Yr6X16hGgrMN_SoM_q-3pjagznmY1HwEjlS7HMAsENSdFxCCj6vSPbe7VEN2A1TwhW2zt4miU1uAxruTduaFLf-CMnkJUXPSwO2cdCnQQLdRT2iyq56aeVUdr0FWmc/s1600/beer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGZUqVts7J_guqF-Yr6X16hGgrMN_SoM_q-3pjagznmY1HwEjlS7HMAsENSdFxCCj6vSPbe7VEN2A1TwhW2zt4miU1uAxruTduaFLf-CMnkJUXPSwO2cdCnQQLdRT2iyq56aeVUdr0FWmc/s200/beer.jpg" width="148" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Recently my friends and colleagues have commented that my personality represents not that of the average 20 something girl but that of a bloke.- brilliant. I would take offence but when looking into it I reckon I am in the better place. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Here are 6 key signs that I have a blokey personality</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I am scared of commitment</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> of any kind- The thought of owning a hoover freaks me out let alone a house, I literally run when the word ‘relationship’ is used in reference to me and my chest goes tight when I think about weddings and babies. My commitments in life are my season ticket, my mobile contract and my feline creature- even this is sometimes too much to bear. </span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I never go to the doctors</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">- Apparently this is a man trait, I personally think it just shows that I am nails. When I was 19 I broke my finger pretty badly (my engagement finger no less) and after the operations I got bored of going back and so I am now left with the most mangled looking bent finger known- never going to get a ring on that, think this might be why I refuse to go back and get it sorted- fate.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I do not have the ability to over analyse</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">- I think this is more lack of attention span but according to the masses this is a blokey thing. I do find it pretty baffling when I am forced to partake in conversations about what the text message ACTUALLY means, why he REALLY brought flowers and what EXACTLY he is doing on his boy’s night out.- Why don’t we just concentrate on enjoying ourselves instead?!</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I am a very bad texter</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">- Again I put this down to my attention span but yes I will admit it, I tend to read messages and put my phone back in my bag, rather than responding with xx’s, smiley faces and Lols. People have started to learn to call; it is the only way to get the answers. I am however hoping that I can brush up my skills with the aid of my <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2011/01/sex-texting.html">sex texting project</a>. </span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><strong>I enjoy pints of beer </strong>especially following a big night out (best cure)- Friends are split on this one, some are on my side and happily join me with a good Peroni, some think it is the worst thing in the world and stare at me with disgust when I order such a beverage (only encourages me). Are there really such rules behind your drink of choice?!</span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I have no tact/social awareness</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">- I ask inappropriate wou</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">ld you rather questions on first dates that involve sanitary protection and human excrement, I confess sex stories with colleagues of all levels in the pub and use saracasm as a chat up method.</span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">To end please do not think I am some kind of outlandish butch tomboy that hates everything feminine, truth be told I do buy too many shoes, probably wear far too much make up, read fashion magazines and enjoy trashy TV especially on the E entertainment channel, I just embrace the blokey traits that come naturally to me, no shame.</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-69105878107947951462011-01-04T12:17:00.000-08:002011-01-04T12:17:55.192-08:00Sex Texting??<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYaY-rJYWwLuN2iBQ7TimimulJeTOFpuDKL2QxEAclPbejagugxAc4aNX06WZFiJDkiZoFp2hQqzk5A8-Cas9B_5qA0RPomfpZZVIRg4lEx_mvFQbo0-QD5LLkvY0kbo9xbgsvEuMGVSoA/s1600/alg_blackberry_texting_typing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYaY-rJYWwLuN2iBQ7TimimulJeTOFpuDKL2QxEAclPbejagugxAc4aNX06WZFiJDkiZoFp2hQqzk5A8-Cas9B_5qA0RPomfpZZVIRg4lEx_mvFQbo0-QD5LLkvY0kbo9xbgsvEuMGVSoA/s200/alg_blackberry_texting_typing.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">This is a quick snippet to question- <b>is sex texting the new ‘must do’ craze?</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I have recently had a conversation in my office with a certain lady I will not name and shame (have learnt from my indiscreet <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2010/12/advice-required.html">‘gravy gate’</a>) about her recent saucy messaging habit with a guy she has dated once and is due to meet for a liaison. Being the obvious sweet and innocent girl (ahem) I have never undertaken such activities and thought this was an odd idea until, after a wider discussion, I found that many of my friends are partaking in this phenomenon and enjoying it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Now I feel maybe this is where I have been going wrong- I need to spice things up with the aid of my blackberry (not physically). Obviously I first need some kind of target to try out my research so I am now on the spy for a suitable date/texter recipient to see if this theory will perk up my love life from the shambles that was <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2010/12/new-year-new-strategy.html">2010</a>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">One friend, when I described this new project suggested I find a suitable man through the <b>‘can you kick it’</b> game. </span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">When asked for specific game details turns out that you write <strong>‘can you kick it’</strong> into a text message and send out to made up numbers until you receive a <strong>‘yes you can’ </strong>response. Apparently this could be a great opportunity to then introduce the dirty texting. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">This however has many flaws:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">1) <b>It could be a woman</b>- I know the love life has been less than successful over the past year but I’m not ready to turn to that quite yet</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">2) <b>It may be a minor</b>- enough said, I am not looking to get arrested for your entertainment</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">3) <b>It could be an old/hairy/short man</b>- I only want to turn on an attractive breed thank you very much</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I think I will turn on the Betty B charm in person for this one, pull out all the stops- thumb wars, shoulder dance moves, the works. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I may however need some advice on how you get the err <strong>ball rolling</strong> on the texting side?! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Do I launch straight in all body parts and positions or do I go for the soft and subtle approach? Detailed/descriptive or mysterious/teasing? – This is all new territory for me, any tips welcomed! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Wish me luck </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-26672947411668315762010-12-27T04:18:00.000-08:002010-12-27T04:18:27.068-08:00Advice required<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2sRVIr9m4eUvPFwFFPlgpLSN3kq7QyHVwywWY6E-AQVxbq36vn6ql6uAa7ukirNjRy61l4LavTnvgsL7Jv_GZzYAMRf_1mtSY5axS1wIV0URFZkL20gM6L9U3xrKOTAXM3BuiaqIXKSOT/s1600/gravey.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2sRVIr9m4eUvPFwFFPlgpLSN3kq7QyHVwywWY6E-AQVxbq36vn6ql6uAa7ukirNjRy61l4LavTnvgsL7Jv_GZzYAMRf_1mtSY5axS1wIV0URFZkL20gM6L9U3xrKOTAXM3BuiaqIXKSOT/s200/gravey.bmp" width="140" /></a></div><br />
For some reason many of my friends seem to turn to me for love advice. As a perma single with a great fear of commitment clearly makes perfect sense but apparently I can give a man perspective (is this a compliment?) <br />
One of the funniest 'love problems' was recently voiced to me by my good friend Julie*, the pub conversation was as follows:<br />
<br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''I need some man advice''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- ''Is this going to be another half an hour analysis over a text missing an x at the end?''</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''I know you are going to laugh but this is a serious problem to me and I need your honest opinion. It is sex related''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- ''Brilliant''</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''You know Tim**.....''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- ''I do indeed''</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''Basically everytime he finishes he...''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- ''Falls asleep? That's pretty standard I wouldn't worry.''</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''Not quite''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- ''Is raring to go again? Nothing wrong with that, make the most of it.''</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''He shouts out a.... catchphrase''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- (Slight stifled giggle) ''Really? Can I guess which one?''</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''I knew you would be like this, just forget it.''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- (feign serious face) ''No no sorry, continue. What does he shout? I saw this on a SATC episode once, is it some kind of barrage of swear words?''</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- ''No... it is more of a famous advert line''</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- Silence</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- 'Ahhh Bisto.' Have you ever had that?'' </span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- Silence</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">J- "Seriously now, I really like him and everything else is amazing but is this odd? He says it in a real strained voice'' (proceeds to do an impression)</span></strong><br />
<strong>BB- Cannot speak due to extreme laughter and tears</strong><br />
<br />
And so readers/bloggers I turn to you for advice, what should Julie do about ahh Bisto Tim? I have managed to stop laughing to whittle it down to a few options:<br />
<br />
A) Learn to embrace the Bisto promotion, maybe even rival it with a few Oxo lines at the crucial moment<br />
B) Ignore his calls and move on to a less vocal lover<br />
C) Sit him down during a roast dinner and ask why the infatuation with gravy related items<br />
D) Learn to block out the 'strained voice' <br />
E) Other please suggest<br />
<br />
* Name has been slightly altered at a slight attempt to protect identity. <br />
** Has been named and shamed<br />
<br />
If anyone else has suffered a similar problem please do let us know.Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-79709979828858080402010-12-23T09:44:00.000-08:002010-12-29T11:06:28.160-08:00New Year- New strategy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahubpN2k7e58BOJIeSnv_yNPHFhmmnqzdCGS1yfOm1UjnOPJWwNrAbdHlIy3FCkIpvbxg1T_-MuWpZ77xo6moAw1fb-kii5bf9fZXjXj6Q7yBCrv-PVIgjrZdviUZTHYF8BXIT-V4U4ZZ/s1600/bloggy.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahubpN2k7e58BOJIeSnv_yNPHFhmmnqzdCGS1yfOm1UjnOPJWwNrAbdHlIy3FCkIpvbxg1T_-MuWpZ77xo6moAw1fb-kii5bf9fZXjXj6Q7yBCrv-PVIgjrZdviUZTHYF8BXIT-V4U4ZZ/s200/bloggy.bmp" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">The New Year is hurtling towards us, (along with my scary 'heading to late 20's' birthday) and it has left me pondering over my year of a pretty dire love life. I actually haven't been bothered about it until this very point but the festive season does weird things to you. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">While trying to think of the <b>2010 highlights</b> of this part of my life I realised they are very few and far between, take a look for yourself:</span></div><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Opened the year- literally was New Years day-with a guy named after a popular car brand who could walk on his hands.- He won me over when he climbed up and down stairs on his paws.<b> Shelf life- a few drunken meetings and many annoying texts- right up until last week.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Woke up with a cocktail barman from a bar near my house. <b>Shelf life-one evening</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Woke up with a cocktail barman that was also above barmans friend from the bar near my house. <b>Shelf life- a few random nights</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Began seeing a guy who had previously dated a porn star- I think his most proud achievement in life.<br />
He also had the honour of carrying me home from an all day drinking session after knowing me for a few weeks and witnessed my amazingly weak stomach as I gagged over the smell of something nasty that my cat had produced. <b>Shelf life- 2 months</b>.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Received an array of weird messages, gifts (including a giant candle sent to my work that cost £47.70) and pictures from a guy I dated the year before. <b>Shelf life- continuous.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Woke up above a pub in the town I live with the live-in barman, with a pigeon flying around the living room, minus phone and minus dignity- I haven't been to said pub since- <b>Shelf life- one very forgettable evening.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Dated a guy that organised gigs for a living- winner- he slagged off my favourite musician- loser. <b>Shelf life-3 dates</b> but I do still have his watch.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">An incident with a scouser I met on the last train home- I can't go into details, I really don't want to re-live this, not my finest hour. <b>Shelf life- 6 hours</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">An online sober date with drunken Dane Costa please view <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-happens-when-one-half-of-date-is.html"><span style="color: blue;">The Sober Date</span></a> for specific details. <b>Shelf life- 1 memorable date.</b></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">I could continue and add the many more disasters from 2010 but I am now getting depressed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">To conclude</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">- I have spent far too much time in the pub hence all the barmen and the undisclosed 'incidents.' I now wish I had utilised these stories and started a blog earlier, at least you could have all been entertained from my misery.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">If anyone could <b>recommend some new tactics</b> I can try to make the 2011 love life summary a little less dire, please do let me know, I promise to ensure it still has some comical value for the blog! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Merry Christmas and happy New Year to all you fellow bloggers/readers see you in 2011!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-33341760088630487432010-12-10T04:13:00.000-08:002010-12-10T04:38:02.722-08:00Random question Friday- Take 5 (sort of)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJhRdDMVzs4xtejTaCUd3XdMv9_Uw5usug2psEfQbeP2OaKESIUZatpHUW_lZPj_0QBKkUKOIWgcydPzA7DDQ2RiPreLkfAnSFg2PP_MNHkZfd8lVuE0mVWW-bExuDP71JtcFj6UU8a-q0/s1600/jpg_drinks_cabinet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="169" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJhRdDMVzs4xtejTaCUd3XdMv9_Uw5usug2psEfQbeP2OaKESIUZatpHUW_lZPj_0QBKkUKOIWgcydPzA7DDQ2RiPreLkfAnSFg2PP_MNHkZfd8lVuE0mVWW-bExuDP71JtcFj6UU8a-q0/s200/jpg_drinks_cabinet.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Today I have been mulling over my coming of age, in exactly <strong>20 days I will hit the late 20’s bracket- 26</strong>. </span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This may not be scary to some of you but to me this means a whole new tick box- I am no longer grouped in with the sprightly 21 year olds, farewell to 16-25 rail cards-hello expensive travel and if I was to study again I would be classed as a ‘mature’ student. </span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>It is a rocky road heading towards 30. </strong></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I really need to think about taking up the work pension scheme. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I sometimes work at a pub at the weekend and recently working out the year that an 18 year old was born scared me-1992- I clearly remember this year, I had the Twinkle album, was well underway with learning my times tables, had over half the collection of shiny pogs and I could ride a bike- all while people I am serving beer to were newborns. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This led me on to thinking about the <strong>top 5 ‘rebel’ activities</strong> I undertook in my youth (I know I am being slightly dramatic but roll with it, I am having a late 20’s crisis):</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For some random reason when I was at primary school I <b>told my best friend my hair fell out</b> and I had to have it sewn back in! - No idea where this came from in my little brain or why I said it but it was only a few years ago I confessed to said friend that it was all fabrication! </span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Almost decapitating my brother</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> with an electric window after he had told my parents I had used a grade A swear word- please note I do not have violent/anger issues I just pressed a bit too hard, honest.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Secretly <b>dying my dark hair with sun in</b> (some kind of bleach spray that developed with heat). The result- an orange, straw like barnet and a very upset Mrs B- beautiful.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Making <b>lethal concoctions</b> from the contents of my parents drink cabinet to drink at friend’s houses, parties and parks- I genuinely believe this helped build up the tolerance I have today. It always went a deep red colour and felt like it was burning my insides; we named it the magic mix- the memories. </span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Getting <b>extremely drunk out on the town</b> <b>at the age of 16</b> which ended up with me tending to my friend in the bathroom who clearly hadn’t built up tolerance with the magic mix- she was sick in my face. Think she was subconsciously getting me back for the hair loss lie. </span></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">From this I think I can conclude that my true risqué rebel days started at uni! </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway I am now off to a work party with free booze from 3pm-8pm, only have 20 days left to act like a youngun, and so might as well make the best of these opportunities. (Potential blog material in the making)</span></span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-77861851657242079752010-12-03T07:36:00.000-08:002010-12-03T07:52:05.739-08:00Random question Friday- Take 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVCtLDip0BcIC0dMJaddEC6e4T_aBfyaTpxaudpeyXUqaMXgqJYOn51suTpyZqNAY614spQRAsLeohhvE9_qHe8RKBGSoIpiWeBjfuxWHhjXsj3hzyLavPZTkTQRLX6hHXXd7-mNi1AAFr/s1600/Jex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVCtLDip0BcIC0dMJaddEC6e4T_aBfyaTpxaudpeyXUqaMXgqJYOn51suTpyZqNAY614spQRAsLeohhvE9_qHe8RKBGSoIpiWeBjfuxWHhjXsj3hzyLavPZTkTQRLX6hHXXd7-mNi1AAFr/s200/Jex.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The random question of the day is- <b>top 5 guilty pleasures</b> (I am a bit hung-over after a Christmas party and lacking in true random thought- apologies)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Jeremy Kyle</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">- I can’t help but watch it on my days off (and sometimes on catch up)- it makes me feel a bit better about my life- I don’t have a baby with 5 potential Dads or greasy hair with blonde stripes at the front or missing teeth- life is good. Also truth be told, I kind of fancy Jezza in an odd way. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Retro cheesy club tunes</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> from my uni days- Five and Backstreet Boys mega mix, steps and of course the Baywatch theme- always brings out winning dance moves including the look out to sea action, slow running and ‘swimming’ with the use of stools- classic</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Giant board games</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">- any board game made on a large scale is a winner with me my favourite being connect four- I am the unofficial champion of 2010- Fact</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The <b>curly haired one</b> from the X-factor band one direction- in my defence he is beautiful, over the age of consent and many of my friends agree on this one- backup</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Complete trash TV</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">- The Hills, The only way is Essex, The City, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Kendra, Holly's World….. E! is the best channel hands down, I actually think this would be my specialist subject if I appeared on mastermind. </span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Worst guilty pleasure I have heard of- My friend confessed to me recently that she ENJOYS <strong>cutting her fiancés</strong> <b>toenails</b> and gets in a mood when he does it himself- if that’s what love is I am pretty happy I am not involved with it!</span></div></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2401123383801517250.post-20278966079750957232010-12-01T03:55:00.000-08:002011-01-05T16:27:37.995-08:00How to lose a girl in 1 date<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEQ1l6U5Hqn0dPx_FQZUtNEhPtF5BgHSRzlG44QxwsGwzxUyBho9GwA6axma7y0BHLGcEtvT-u2nabBYnW1Nvvhz-VhPhglI-aIy1FxFJVt_YbkEBB-tmNWti3G4e_cLD_mL-wmITXP1fG/s1600/gbk-logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEQ1l6U5Hqn0dPx_FQZUtNEhPtF5BgHSRzlG44QxwsGwzxUyBho9GwA6axma7y0BHLGcEtvT-u2nabBYnW1Nvvhz-VhPhglI-aIy1FxFJVt_YbkEBB-tmNWti3G4e_cLD_mL-wmITXP1fG/s200/gbk-logo.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">My male friend is going on a date with a girl he isn’t particularly keen on, he just struggles with the no word; I have been brainstorming winning first dates that are sure to put her off, any further creative ideas welcomed:</span></span></span><br />
<ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Apparently at <strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Madame Tussauds</span></strong> you can pay extra and have dinner with the wax works- absolutely genius, as if paying good money to look at wax dolls isn’t odd enough. On another note I have always felt they should include a wick on the top of them and sell them off as novelty giant candles once they have reduced in interest, I would definitely invest for Christmas. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Take her to a <strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">hard core rock club</span></strong> wearing a matching leather studded jacket and trousers (bit like ferret man from the <a href="http://talesfromthemorningafterx.blogspot.com/2010/11/random-question-friday-take-2.html">Friday take 2 blog</a>). </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Go to a<strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"> football match</span></strong> (the chavier the team the better i.e. Millwall- I watched Football factory I know these things) and spend time shouting obscenities towards the pitch, bonding with fellow fans and eating stinking pasties.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Take her to <strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">GBK Burger kitchen</span></strong> and whip out a printed voucher code special, let her know she can have whatever she likes, if in conjunction with the offer- this one may be inspired by a past date.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The <strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hunterian Museum in London</span></strong> that includes such delights as pickled penises, large female parts in jars and an array of foetuses- lovely</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Head to <b>The Church</b>- the famous weekly 18-30’s style drinking event in <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on"><city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">London</place></city></place></city>. Takes place from 12pm-4pm on a Sunday and highlights include ropey looking strippers, drunken aussies, hilarious comments on the big screen (i.e. get your baps out), fancy dress and drinks served in tinnies with a handy carrier bag- class all the way.(this might actually be my ideal date but this girl is more of a ‘typical’ female)</span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Finally, I just wanted to add that this blog has been described as <strong>‘very sex in the gutter’</strong> by a close friend of mine, not sure why....</span></div>Betty Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549733892322130129noreply@blogger.com0