Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Sniff Speed Dating


Dear Betty,

We’re really excited that you are joining join Daz generic washing powder brand and our celebrity host Jennifer Ellison to give your senses the work out they deserve! Below is a top line overview of what to expect on the night – the night is completely free and it’s going to be lots of fun!

On the night:
There will be three rounds all based around the scents and smells that really get you going.  For each round you will be asked to discuss smells that either take you back, represent you or just something you couldn’t live without.
With complimentary cocktails and canap├ęs on arrival, come along, join in the antics and celebrate the launch of two great smelling varieties – Mandarin and Lime Splash and Summer Flower Power.

We look forward to seeing you there!
Dating Original

Last Wednesday after bribing with the idea of free booze rounding up some eager single troops, I headed out to the inner (non homosexual) area of Soho to take part in the latest cheap promotion dating craze- sniff speed dating. Why I was initially targeted for this campaign is uncertain to me but meeting the men of London over free cocktails sounded a bit win win, even if we did have to revolve the conversation around aromas. 

The event was in a members only exclusive club- basically a very small overly white room with a shit load of mirrors, perfect.

My first date, a bald, awkward lawyer who lived scarily close to me in SW London, opened the ‘date’ by pulling out the following:

  • Play doh
  • Savlon cream
  • Haribo sweets

Read into this what you will but at first I was terrified and pretty baffled as to where he had been prior to the event- Turned out he had taken the whole smell thing one step further and brought along props to back up his childhood smells- interesting start.

Next up a wasted dude called Jake, he swayed away from the smell discussion and instead asked me an interesting array of questions mainly revolved around my sexual preferences- considerate research?!

During my third date with a pretty awkward guy that looked like he worked in IT, the 'celebrity' guest mosied on up to us, plastered a massive fake smile on her chops and proceeded to ask if we had yet found 'love at first sniff' (genius pun) in probably the strongest scouse accent I have ever come across.

Brilliant, that got rid of the weird/forced atmosphere, especially as so far we had barely said hello.
Didn't think it could get anymore awkward until I managed to flick my marking pen lid right in her face smacking her in the eyebrow- she didn't find it as funny as me, surprisingly.

Date 4- Drunk guy's equally as drunk mate who out did him with the questions incorporating both the smell theme and sexual preferences- nice.

Date 5- Nervous Neil who wouldn’t look me in the eye and looked at least 20 years older than me.

Date 6- Cakey Collin who was walking around with a squashed fruit cake in his pocket (his favourite childhood scent apparently).

Date 7- A friendly guy from Turkey who proceeded to tell me he was searching for a wife like his sister who was living in Istanbul.

Things were getting very odd.

When the final bell rang I was surrounded by an impressive amount of empty cocktail glasses and yet my score sheet had been completely disregarded- not even alcohol goggles were helping out here.
When reunited with my friends we heard over the mic that the second half would commence in 10 minutes.
One quick look to the door, no words uttered just a simple nod, we made a break for it, each grabbing the goodie bag on route.

A few lessons learnt from this new dating experience:

  • Smell isn’t the best discussion topic when dating.
  • Jennifer Ellison is not a fan of Betty or flying pen lids.
  • Free dating events attract attractive women accompanied by equally attractive friends…
  • They also unfortunately attract oddball men who turn up solo.
  • The new Summer Flower Power liquid wash really is a smell sensation.
One question- should I give the bog standard speed dating a whirl?