Wednesday, 25 May 2011

How not to get a date Betty style

Recently after enjoying a day of sunshine and the finest cava/cider combo in a South West London sun spot, my friends and I decided to continue on the happy sunny vibe in a bar (first mistake).

It was while enjoying a stimulating game of '‘I have never’' and several jagerbombs (second mistake) that a slightly recognisable guy walked over to me and asked

‘’Did you go to <middle of the range university name> and have a mangled finger?’’

My response was to nod, grin and proudly wangle my bent/lumpy/disturbing looking finger in his face. (Long story on the origins but I have touched upon it in my introduction post).

Turned out (obviously) to be someone I shared drunken student memories with 5 years prior- small world and all that.
Apparently said guy had seen me around the South West parts a few times (stalker) but had refrained from approaching me in the past as he was scared I may not be THE mangled finger girl- very pleased to have such a classy reputation from my uni days.

We exchanged numbers and later on my friends and I partied on with uni buddy and co.
The rest of the evening turned into a bit of a blur but I think I recall wine and dance moves being busted out which is slightly worrying, also potential of a bit of snogging action but this is all presumption on my part.

The next thing I knew I was waking up (fully clothed I will add) in a strange house with a pretty fusty smell invading my nose.

I remained in my duvet cocoon for a while trying to regrow the memory cells that had been cruelly killed off with a rather large concoction of juvenile drinking games and alcohol.

I eventually sat up to see uni buddy bustling around the room, slowly the earlier part of the evening came back to me and I at least knew who I was with.

I glanced in a mirror and realised apparently overnight I had turned into Slash- huge hair, make up smudged, eyes like pin holes- beautiful.
I also realised around the same moment i still felt a tad intoxicated and started babbling on as a result. Turned out everything I said/asked we had apparently touched upon the night before, damn my boozey memory.

Rewind a few hours:
Now the background that leads up to this point of the story is based on a hazy memory and feedback from uni bud, I do not hold any responsibility for the reliability of the social inept accusations that take place:

We apparently skipped off merrily in a taxi to uni buds abode in a different town.
Having no recollection of any taxi ride I had asked if we were in the area we were drinking in, uni bud seemed to take offence to this and began to realise the true extent of my memory loss, it appears I am quite good at concealing it at the time.

On return to the house it appeared we had continued the drinking- evidence of this was in the lounge where there sat a half drunk cider tinnie (mine) and a polished off bottle of Peroni (his)- I do sometimes worry about my ability to consume such large quantities of alcohol.

During our drunken slurs in-depth conversation, uni bud politely offered to take me out to which I allegedly barked in response ‘’only if it is to do with live music’'
Now I know I am quite the enthusiast for live music and do rate gigs as one of my top things to do, but I don’t think this is really quite the manner to approach an offer of a date, especially as they have been very few and far between this year.

I walked into the bedroom to announce immediately ‘’It STINKS in here’’ (always the charmer) and then proceed to collapse in the bed and sleep like a baby.

A true romantic tale.

Fast forward back to the morning
We stumbled out together pretty early doors as uni bud had to get to some charity work that he does every weekend (bless) but yet miraculously still with talk of meeting up in the near future. 

I now await to see if this was polite exit chat on his part or if he does in fact want to be charmed by Betty once again.

Question- will I hear from uni buddy again and do you think that date offer will still truly stand after this episode?!

Friday, 6 May 2011

Return of Betty

It has been a while readers, I apologise, it wasn’t you it was me, I promise I will change and put in more time and commitment these days.

A few things to report from my disastrous and inept world here in London, here's your first slightly depressing instalment:

Once again after much self protest I rejoined the wonders of mysinglefriend- once again I was in immediate regret at paying to receive email messages from weirdos.

My favourite of an odd bunch came from David; he had only the one very close up picture of himself which did reveal a hint of home and away eyes and a very ornament heavy shelving unit in the background:

Hello Betty,

So do you like dancing? - what type? I've recently taken up salsa and am actually really enjoying it - albeit that this was recently curtailed by a comedy dislocation of my knee at an 80s party involving a dorset naga chilli, batfink, top gun and a moustache....

Given the slightly random nature of this whole online dating thing, here are some random facts about me:

• my nickname at primary school was Dougal because one of the guys couldn't pronounce my surname and thought I looked like the dog from the magic has stuck ever since
• I dislocated my knee dancing to kung fu fighting at uni - very very embarrassing!
• At the risk of making myself sound geeky, I'm a big roller coaster fanatic, and would think nothing of travelling half the world to try out the latest thrill machines!!
• I'm also a bit of a pyromaniac nut and put on a big fireworks display at least once a year for friends

What are some random facts about you?

Anyway, if you fancy a drink and a giggle, it would be great to hear from you.

P.S. I know Kung Fu!

A salsa dancing, injury-prone, kung fo fighter and roller coaster fanatic that resembles Dougal from the Magic Roundabout- Salsa dancing makes me cringe, I am terrified of heights and exceptionally scared of the phrase ‘pyromaniac nut’- I was not convinced I wanted to join him for a giggle or share my ‘random facts’.

I have chosen not to renew the subscription and am removing myself entirely- I mean it this time, me and internet dating are over. (Please remind me of this in a few months whenever I show tell tale signs of weakness in my posts).

I am heading out to London town tonight to sample the real world and not act overly drunk and stupid- any chat up lines to rival my usual Barry chat up line very welcomed at this stage.