Dating memoirs of Betty B

My new year’s resolution to get back out there and up my dating game has fallen at the first hurdle- I have not partaken in a singular date or even mild flirtation all month- disappointing but I blame the January blues/slump- London and I are not ourselves right now.

During this slight glitch in my plans I have been looking back to when I did enjoy one nighters, dates, flings and (gasp) relationships and reflecting on how I achieved this.

And so I introduce you to- Pulling tips by Betty B: (take notes ladies*)

• Do pull up a bar stool nosily from one side of the pub to the other, put it next to you and rub the seat in a circular motion while staring at the victim, he will sit there and chat-eventually.

• Do introduce dance moves to your strategy, recommendations include the ‘doll’ dance- this involves placing your index finger onto the victims head and encouragingly voicing the word spin over and over until they respond, no matter how reluctant they enjoy it.

• If you have a plaster cast on your arm do use it to your full advantage- guys will be impressed if you consistently whack them on the head with it.

• Do ‘pretend’ to think they are of a homosexual nature and invite them to join you on a hunt for some men

• Do respond to a half naked picture message sent to you by your conquest with a picture of you leaping about in a banana suit.

• Do, after inviting your victim over, collapse in your front garden with your handbag spilt out everywhere after drinking blue aftershock for the first time- what man doesn’t want to rescue a damsel in distress? (please note this was a very early conquest- may no longer be applicable)

• Do impress them at the after party of a boozy wedding with the concept of ‘kettle beer’ when there is no alcohol available at back at the accommodation. To carry this out simply remove the standard kettle from the hotel room and lean over the closed hotel bar to fill the kettle to the brim- winner.

• Do ask them if they can touch their toes and then proceed to prove that you can.

* Disclaimer- although the above tips did in fact work I do not hold any responsibility for potential failures but will take credit for success stories